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Abort! Abort! Bring me a knitting needle! - Yet Another Singularity [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
things that decay, things that rust

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Abort! Abort! Bring me a knitting needle! [May. 29th, 2006|02:27 am]
things that decay, things that rust
[current neurochemical state |aborty]

Reading reviews of Wuthering Heights on Amazon.com. Always gets my knickers in a bunch (which I secretly love, of course).

"I was so touched by the way Austen gave life to every single character.

I'm looking forward to read more of this writer.
"

I can forgive someone not knowing that Wuthering Heights was Emily Bronte's only novel, or forgive someone who hasn't read it of mistakenly saying it was by Jane Austen. But that goes too far.


Emily Bronte herself probably died of anorexia--her coffin was less than 20 inches wide.


ARGH! Emily Bronte died of tuberculosis. People with tuberculosis (or "consumption") waste away. I bet you're the type who says words like "herstory" in place of "history," aren't you?


My daughter had to read this book for English @ school and she's 15 and said that it was long drawn out and boring because of the depth gone into to descibe everything....

So, you're going to accept your 15 year old daughter's opinion as truth without even reading the book for yourself, and then you're going to express it to the world in one long run-on sentence? Golly gee! I'll be sure to vote that review as "helpful!"


Wuthering Heights . . . kills any male reader. It's true -for some reason, the ladies who read this book tend to like it much more than the guys.

I wish you could be forcibly sterilized.


blah blah blah IM A HIGH SKOOL STUDENT WHO HAD TO READ WUTHERING HEIGHTS. ITS SERIOUSLY LIKE THE WORST BOOK IN THE WORLD, ITS SOOoooOOO BORING. I HAD TO CONSENTRAIT TO HARD TO UNDERSTAND THE ANCIENT ENGLISH EMILY BRONTE USED LOL. THIS BOOK SUX! (this is a paraphrase of about 1/4 of the reviews, which I have created instead of quoting them all individually)

Ahem:

*aborts human race*
linkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: fumbling2solace
2006-05-29 10:08 am (UTC)
Wow! I especially love the: "my daughter had to ..." quote. That as my favourite. People really are that ignorant to 1. decide their opinion is important enough to warrant going on Amazon (for a book they haven't read no less!) and 2. that their review should be so uninformed as to have errors that even I (who admittedly dislikes the Romantic/19th C) would not have made.


Ancient English --- bahahahahaha -- try Chaucer dears!
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[User Picture]From: erlking
2006-05-29 11:01 pm (UTC)
I really think the history and development of the English language should be taught in high school. it'd take, like, one class to give a decent brief overview.

The fact that a Victorian novel whose language is 99% the same as the language we have today is called "ancient" makes me fear for the degrading reading abilities of society. 'Cause, you know, illiteracy is the normal thing, historically. Widespread literacy is a new thing, but I'd like it to stick around!
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[User Picture]From: onelessthing
2006-05-29 11:04 am (UTC)
Michael Collins, look at my journal. I compel you!
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[User Picture]From: pennyroyalty
2006-05-29 12:33 pm (UTC)
this is too funny for life. in my mind, i have assigned your LJ a little voice. I have no idea if it matches your real one (it quasi-does, from what i remember) But hearing that voice reading this with sarcastic rage and mockery made me squit orange juice through my nose.

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[User Picture]From: erlking
2006-05-29 10:58 pm (UTC)
kjdxhkds I wonder what that lj-voice sounds like!
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[User Picture]From: red_stardust
2006-05-29 12:39 pm (UTC)
blah blah blah IM A HIGH SKOOL STUDENT WHO HAD TO READ WUTHERING HEIGHTS. ITS SERIOUSLY LIKE THE WORST BOOK IN THE WORLD, ITS SOOoooOOO BORING. I HAD TO CONSENTRAIT TO HARD TO UNDERSTAND THE ANCIENT ENGLISH EMILY BRONTE USED LOL. THIS BOOK SUX!

Is this what I have to look forward to when I start teaching???
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From: (Anonymous)
2006-05-29 03:32 pm (UTC)
for the most part yes, students that are actually interested in the books they are FORCED to read in high school are very few and far between...it's the teachers job to try to get the rest of the students to be interested
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[User Picture]From: pennyroyalty
2006-05-29 04:12 pm (UTC)
are you currently an Ed student? at MUN?
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[User Picture]From: erlking
2006-05-29 04:55 pm (UTC)
I have been meaning to hook you guys up. Cheryl will be starting ED at MUN in the fall and I think your experiences would be interesting and useful to her!
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From: (Anonymous)
2006-05-30 06:44 pm (UTC)
no and no
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[User Picture]From: red_stardust
2006-05-30 10:41 pm (UTC)
I'm confused. Are you answering this question for me? If so, why?
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[User Picture]From: horseteeth
2006-05-29 01:24 pm (UTC)
hee hee. i like your reviews of reviews. asjhdajsdha
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[User Picture]From: erlking
2006-05-29 10:58 pm (UTC)
It is meta! Things that are meta are by default good!
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[User Picture]From: thickets
2006-05-29 01:56 pm (UTC)
ahahaha ... Ancient English. I am constantly getting this. Even from Education majors. Shakespeare is Old English, don't you know? I guess that means George Orwell is Middle English.
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[User Picture]From: erlking
2006-05-29 10:58 pm (UTC)
It's ancient because it has long sentences, semi-colons, and a word that has fallen out of use once or twice a chapter. Oh noes!

I want to lock those people in a room with an untranslated copy of Beowulf and a CCTV camera for my own amusement.
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[User Picture]From: moustachios
2006-05-29 09:30 pm (UTC)
You should review reviews for the Rag. It wouldn't let you lie as often, but you'd probably really enjoy it.
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[User Picture]From: erlking
2006-05-29 10:56 pm (UTC)
Ah, yes, that is a fantgastic idea, but I don't know about the legalities of it. I think that amazon.com owns the copyright of all those reviews!
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[User Picture]From: moustachios
2006-05-30 03:18 am (UTC)
True. Maybe you could find longer reviews elsewhere (there must be lots kicking around the blogosphere), and just excerpt the funnier bits under fair use.
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[User Picture]From: erlking
2006-05-30 09:53 pm (UTC)
Fair Use! Hooray!
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